Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in stuck_in_the80s' LiveJournal:

Sunday, May 16th, 2004
8:35 pm	please could you..ah..fall into place? I think i have cancer or something. Im falling apart physically, mentally? hah been that way for a while. I need to bitch, god i love this thing its like yelling at a wall, theres no point but god it feels good. Well i brushed my teeth today and it really hurt in the front, then i figured it was cuz my gums were bleeding. Then being a (is it called?) a hypochondriac, I'm like is it a fucking um "disease", cancer, wtf? But then i just realized maybe it was cuz i brushed my teeth 3 times at the ortho when i was getting my metal mouth off? I hope its cuz of that, i dont need any frigin diseases. Yeah so other things of my body are just dyin off, no, no limbs or anything, just weird things im always in some sort of pain. hmm life. so this weekend was kinda interesting. Bought porn. there i said it, if my parents ever find out..welll my mom will probably disown me, her semi-perfect child doesnt need porn to ruin her life. Dad i think would laugh. Either way its fucking disgusting, we walked in and its this TINY ass room and youd assume the next room over, the porn place would be like tiny, no its like 4 fucking floors. I couldnt even look at one place for more than ONE second or i was about to puke. We were there for like an hour, and B i think was having the time of his life. and no you sicko's i didnt keep it i gave it to him, but i wasted my fucking money thats for sure. its seriously disgusting, i think all of those people are trashy and pathetic and have nothing better to do and no goals..Im not some religious freak that has like crazy morals, but eww eww eww. i cannnoooott express how disgusted i was by all that shit, and the thing was there were quite a few people there, a couple huge fat chicks with their arms full of dildo's, omg just NASTY hahaha. Saturday did absolutely nothing. like nothing. Sunday, started "training", at EVO, not choco grille where i was hired and assumed id be working. But its ok its going to be really nice. And best part so far im working with Sean Mulligan hahaha, thats so awesome. Everyone hired is pretty or hott, cept for the occasional old experienced people lol. So hott guys to look at THANK GOD CONSIDERING MILLERS HAD FAT OLD SHITHEADS! Im defenitely the youngest and i think most unexperienced. Today was just like the owner talking about general rules and stuff. But I showed up in black pants, shoes and a white cotton button-down, what I wore at Miller's. Everyone else was so casual, like seriously worn jeans and all that shit. Im ALWAYS overdressed for things like that, hmm i guess better to be over than under? So im pumped to work there i just dont wanna screw up. The schedules suck, they think im done school and have no life. oh but dear just the opposite, im STILL in that shithole, and i have a bunch of senior stuff, like right when i start working. Thats always good to beg for a bunch of time off RIGHT at the beginning ..dandy. So EFFIN PROM...talked o B about it, so he cant get the balls to TELL me, so i asked friday after a week of waiting for an answer. He "cant" go cuz of his mom, and hed have to get another tux. Either he thinks im REALLY stupid or he is, cuz obviously he can get his tux the day of mine. Whatever that ass. I feel like him going to prom was like my last string of holding on to him. This whole dating thing is fucking pointless. I dotn get it and im really starting to give up, it sucks. ALl he wants outta me is like ....shit i dont want and im not really getting anything outta it. So a few momentos ago i called hatch (my "backup") and he was like your paying right, or like half? I thiiinkk he was joking he fucking better be im not paying for his fucking tux, i dont care if he doesnt go to bangor. so hes checking that out tomorrow, if not im fucked, and will prolly go with becky's brother. hes good looking but geezus is this a mess. My parents are right about rushing, but its like I KNOW THIS and you fucking yelling at me DOES NOT make things go any fuckin faster. im out, love yo! Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: brandy, talk about our love (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 12th, 2004
3:02 pm	cha dude so whats up all i can see at a glance was last friday i was in a pissy mood..hmm so since then..um the weekend was relaxing havent done nothing on a friday night through sunday for a while. I did a few things but nothing crazy stressful. Hung out with my auntie saturday looked around, shopped, made some prom appointments. Shes so awesome, she got a facial hair waxing thing haha (shes from the scotch/irish side..maybe thats why, but thank god no beard or anything). And we made myself a manicure, pedicure and another appt which is just weird..ill tell ya later if ya really wanna know haha) AND i got some Biolage shampoo, conditioner and conditioner balm, and my auntie bought that as a graduation gift shes so funny, shes like "yay im done i dont have to fret on what to get you!" its really good product, not as awesome as alterna or fredric fekkai but im happy!. In the evening chilled with Robyn at UNO's, then went to wallyworld with KJ, that was amazing ;). Sunday, went to visit Hill billy to see her HOTTTTT ASS COLOR JOB..im tellin ya im still in love with it! watch out disneyland theres a new fairytale princess in town ;). And long story short while i was there i met a shot shit 5 year old who said he liked me....ANOTHER reason i think i wanna be an elementary teacher :) :)!. Sorry now i have lost my train of thought, because i am updating it after being booted off by my papa..hmm Well after that Becky and I were spose to meet Bret and Brandon in the park. Brandon and i have known each other forever, and long story short were setting beck and bret up, on paper their perfect for each other in a lotttaa ways. So well were waiting for them because i told him a few days earlier to meet us at 2. Neither of them came. I never talked to brandon about it but i assumed bret would tell him. well I havent talked to either since, but all i know is brandon knew about it, but was stuck in traffic....Ok either way its weird, but i wanna hook them up, she needs a prom date...ALONG WITH HILLY WHO NEEDS TO ASK HER HOTTIE :) As of my "prom date"...I got the balls goin and asked Bryce sunday night, he said hed have to think about it, but he put two and two together and realized that hed be wearing the tux he already rented for his school's prom to mine as well. I dont know what he has to think about, but I think im leaning him into goin..bwah haha. Its either that or Hatch and hes really pissing me off. Calling me at 3 in the mroning quite drunk..yeah that gets annoying when i forget to turn my phone off...Also when you make plans but then ditch me but still carry out the plans, thats nice. Plus its either go with a hott guy thats all to yourself or, with your friend you have no feelings for, whom your other friends would be all over...Cuz its lovely like that...so tomorrow I think im gonna corner him and make B give me an answer if hes comin or not...he better cuz what plans i have to look like on prom...oh hed be missin out! ;) So tomorrow's my 18 birfday! I hope it goes nicely, i hope its nice out, I just really hope its a frigin pleasant day thats all i ask for. Ok WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HOTT STUDENT TEACHER, as of yesterday he wasnt there, i dotn know if he came today cuz i wasnt there..buutttt aaah was he fine lookin, i was plannin on doin a lil eye flirtin with him this week but nooo. har ok im out bye peoples Current Mood: dorky Current Music: allison krauss-my ain true love, or well im dling it (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 4th, 2004
10:05 pm	JOBBBBB hell yeah i got a job i got a job i got a job YESSS. This is the first job that I have had a real interview, and got it! Usually its through daddy, suckers way i know, but connections do help?..ANYWAYS since that damn interview was pointless yesterday ifelt very retarded after, but my mom found an ad for CHOCOLATE GRILLE, looking for all positions pretty much. So I called today, and they said to come in an hour later, so I rushed to shower ( i looked like abs shit :). Got there JUST in time, it was a weird, a girl, Sarah lol also had an interview. But i went first cuz im special and got there first! ha! So it went REALLY well, I was suprisingly most-of-the-time calm, and I gave REALLY good answers. I honestly surprised myself! And he seemed really interested, at the end he was like "Id really like to give you a waitressing job now but I wish you had a lil more experience serving" So that was like yeah but AH! He said hed call me tomorrow or thurs, but he called an hour and a half later and said that I got a waitressing job!! WOOO Its AWESOME, its a GREAT restaurant, Ive never been before but I hear quite the hotties, and its one of the nicest, kinda fanciest in the area. Im so pumped i reallly wannna do well there. It sucks I wont be in bar harbor but its almost a relief that i got one here because I think there more leniant up here with time off, which i need ya know? So im erally happy about that...everything else pretty much sucks ass but thats ok right? Ok i needed to haev a happy vent :) (Comment on this)
Monday, May 3rd, 2004
9:07 pm	arghrth what the fuck why the fuck cant i find a fucking good caring guy that just gives up and starts to barely fucking talk to you because he fucking feels like it. One minute bryce is the nicest most caring wonderful guy going the next hes a fucknig ass.. Friday had the best convo about some serious world stuff i guess, educated convo whatttever....i was in p-land the next day but then he was out partying here..whatever..I dont trust that boy drunk, no way. cuz ya know "dating" means--> when im drunk and/or outta the area code i can do whattttever i want and not tell you, jsut to let you guess and be sad. So today i go to visit him in btown on my way back from bar harbor, dear god after he begs for me to come there, i do, with a friend which he didnt want i dont think but whatever. I havent seen him for 2 fucking weeks, and he just kinda sits there, becky says he was lookign at me but i think it was oen of those "i think you got uglier looks" cuz i did look kinda shitty and quite dorky, overdressed. but he just looked at me retarded, and now hes barely fucknig talking to me, so i guess im slowly gettin outta the picture. thats awesome i loved being trashed cuz im not a beautiful hoe, i love it, my heart doesnt hurt or anything. So as the fucknig job interview goes, just about 5 minutes, im like over dressed in a khaki skirt and a cotton button up tee under a bright kermit green tee style sweater....i know hott shit description but thatll give the world an idea. while the girl was wearing liek jeans and a sweatshirt, whoa im cool. so highly doubt with my cute lil braces, i got it cuz she kept suggesting to apply to other places.....and i think the look she gave me when i told her i was 18 next week was quite the surprised look. WHY CANT I JUST HAVE ONE BEAUTIFUL WEEK AND BE HAPPY,,AND STAY HAPPY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYYYYY, its always shit i CANt contol no matter fckin what (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 2nd, 2004
7:25 pm	it dont get no bettaa? So this weekend was relaxing and lovely weather never hurts! Well went "prom dress" shopping in Portland with Beckles and the family, defenitely no success on the prom part. But spent the hourish time only in Express the best classiest, semi-cheap clothing store ever. FOUND A GRADUATION DRESS...yesssss. I saw it there in Februar in Mass, and i was hopppping it would still be there, and booyah it was! Strapless, white cuz our school is anal, three white ribbons on the edge, hits lower than the knees because im hella short, well have to change that! Also finally got a niiiice pair of black pants ($58 :/) a lil much but there nice and well classy haha.A light pink cardigan, hot pink razor back tee, light blue spaghetti tank, and a green sweater-type tee (a dressy type shirt). I really rreallly like that store, everything fits perfectly, kinda reasonable prices but those 6 things were a lil under 200 :/. I begged mom for it to be grad/b-day money, cuz she went a lil pale when she saw it was 225, and i compromised and took a tee out haha. So the 10 minutes we had left to meet my mom, cuz we told her wed be looking at David's Bridal.. we ran there, NOTHING there it was all shit, either not my size or just ugly. And people stare when your in dresses, yeah i know im a super-model...please please no pictures..lol wtf annoying So im back to randomly talking to bryce maybe if i ever find a prom dress hell go hmm... ok my head is having sharp pains along with my stomache, ow so i must go, the big 1-8 is in 11 days woop woop *Hillary i hope you had a wonderful wonderful bday :) Current Mood: drained Current Music: Cassidy- Get no better (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 27th, 2004
4:49 pm	can i keep you? ok tear i *think* thats what Casper said? aww :)..ok well i need to have a lil rant cuz thats what this loverrrly thing is for right? right!....I've done something thinking on my "love life"..not that I've ever been in love (thank you metal heart!)..but ya know the whole crush thing that everyone has since forever ago...I think i shall dwell on that today. I think I've handled most of my crushes in the weirdest random ways, yeah I've grown and learned from em which is great, but habits just die hard. I'm defenitely not a nut, but but I dont know how to react, just plain in simple to anything. I dont date often so when I do im like ahh duuurr? Ok so lets just stick to one guy today how bout it. Lets just say I've thought A (Hillary will know who im talking about :) is absolutely beautiful for the past three years, all of high school whatever. Not the best guy to go for considering Im sure he smells like pot constantly. But hes smart and hott wtf, what a mix? I have never had a conversation with him and the only form of communication I've had with him is 1) at a party after sophomore year that he was at, I was a bit tipsy, he at the moment was not and said "hey sarah" as he walked by and i think i just about lost it. soo wonderful? sad i know. 2) I guess you could call this communication: My tryout for MC making a complete ass of myself on stage in front of him since he was a judge(?). SO yeah I have no balls to talk to him. Hes in a completely different crowd (popular, drinking but still smart group). Defenitely not mine, and from the girls I've seen him date their close to beautiful, or the essence of popularity. But there are times its like you wanna reasurre yourself you have hope even though you realistically know....it will NEVER happen. THATS HIGH SCHOOL RIGHT??? I guess its nice to have someone to be like *ahh* when you see. But it just sucks to have so many barriers in your way... I think high school is so typical in many ways. For one I truely believe close to every girl that has their hs-long crushes and they want to tell the boy by the time they graduate what she feels. I desperately want to but as a typical dork I'd rather NEVER EVER know what he thinks of me, than be deeply rejected. Its kinda obvious when you walk right by them, but dont even look at you? Thats sad, but true, its like HI IM ALIVE!!!! Maybe If I went tanning everyday, fucked every football player, and wore the best DEB clothing, Id get more attention, but sorry I aitn a morning person I dont care...But one can still dream, that hed be like HEY IVE LIKED YOU FOR A LONG TIME TOO!!!!..... THat is why I love the 80's, cuz they have the best damn movies that let you dream, cuz good stuff like that...happens!?! What can i say im a dreamer? Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: 311- The love song (Comment on this)
Monday, April 26th, 2004
8:05 pm	Dear Santa, can your elves make a prom dress in a few weeks? So when a *few* things go quite nicely, theres always at least one thing that has to SUCK ASS. GOOD THINGS: -Made the UMAINE Football Cheering squad, 33 people total. A few people I may want to shoot but thats ok, Im quite pumped the coach is really nice and encouraging. -Rupununi's called for an interview, when I know they only recieved my resume like last thurs or fri..hell yeahh thats awesome, hopefully I get a job, because there having open interviews a couple days before mine, so hopefulyl theres some left for me!! Shitty things: -Cheering, quite expensive and very time consuming considering I'll probably have to pay most of it on my own cuz my moms such a lovely person. Including camp (holy shit a lot), and shoes, spankys, sweatshirt. -Mom decided this was a lotta money and highly doubts I can get a job in Bar harbor or even bangor with all the cheering stuff I have this summer (Lobster bowl, college cheer camp, tumbling, kids cheering camp fundraisers for UM) yeah thanks mom for the support, real loves -B yeah I think hes done with me, slowly but surely i can tell hes lost interest and patience. I can barely get my lazy ass out there..ok so there goes a hott prom date prolly? -oh and even if I DO get a date for prom,...thats ok I can go NAKED..cuz momma aint payin for the dress cuz i called her stupid..first i laughed now i dont doubt that shes tellin the truth....yay i love life so much -but hey doin that term paper that was sposta be started 6 weeks ago, doing most of it in one day...yeah thats the way to go! SHIT ALWAYS OUTLASTS THE GOOD STUFF EH? Current Mood: gloomy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 23rd, 2004
10:12 pm	Like...OMG! Ok so today was one of the few or maybe only time I was kinda embarassed to be a cheerleader. Tryouts at UMAINE today....ok to start off *almost* every girl tryin out was an absolute airhead.. there were defenite expceptions to the girls I know/knew of, but holy shit these college girls are just ditzy and wicked prissy holy shit. I cant even get over the fact, like they just looked dumb. SO yeah one of the few times I think i was embarassed of a fellow cheerleader!...Learned the styne? song?, a hard dance and a cheer. the dance I kept screwing up and being in the front to kinda get the coaches attention, wasnt the best to just stand there but I honestly didnt know what to do. I think im used to NOT screwing up so I dont really know what to do when I do. That sounds dumb but trust me lol. The cheer I guess I've learned a version of it a couple years ago, so thats ok. The styne song...confusing! I have hope, slightly, but there are like 40-ish girls tryin out and only about 20-24 are makin it. I want to cheer for football and have the college cheering thing down...But then again I dont want to be on a team of *FRRIGIIING IDIOT BITCHES!*...I know tera is a shoe in shes amazing. BUUTUT omgg i lost my frigin NCA spirit stick....WHOEVER IS READING ITS NOT FUNNY..cuz i just told coach that and shes now laughing her ass off. But that is just the shittiest sign that im most likely not gonna make it, or suck really badly tomorrow :( haha awe well thats life huh. SO beckys tryouts began today I hope she did well!!...It was friging HOTTTTT in the gym today even with a door open, so poor Beck she probably melted down in FL!! I hope she makes it she needs to kick ass and show em how its done in maine! ;) Ok yeah im done im tired loves later gators Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Busta Rhymes, Method Man- whats happenin (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
8:52 pm	ok so back to the crying thing Ok movies, im such a fuckin sucker for movies. Like I've said before it can be VERY hard to get my emotions out, and my stubborn tears, but geezus one heart-renching movie can break me down!. I watched a House of Sand and Fog today, and a very deep movie i must say. There's a lot to think about and understand about human emotions and I like when films have that. Well in case any of you millions of people seeing this, I wont ruin it for you, but lets just say someone dies and because of this I lost it. I'm not ashamed to say it I cried like a baby, movies make me do this WAYYYYYYY TOOO OFTEN! Honestly my emotions just come rushing out. I get so sad so easily....about friging people I dont know! Just see it, im sure you'll get a lil salty in the eye too! So I could barely sleep last night, or well I could barely sleep comfortably. I kept thinking about B because hes in Jersey. I kept getting the feeling hes out having a crazy time with a bunch of girls fooling around. I have known him a while but I barely barely trust him. He has these "girl...friends" who always seem to call, or if we're in B-town girls are always waving. Its fucking annoying. But when I was talking to him yesterday I kinda lost it a bit. He asked what I've been doing this week and I said "Co-ed stunting". Ok co-ed stunting for me right now means with a *32 year old* man. I've only been there to spot Becky, hes done tosses a few times and taught me how to control my body and breathing. Hes not some hott college football player (he is huge and not hard on the eye but whatever)....SO B comes back with the reaction "Well I met a co-ed friend on the bus so there" I know he meant it jokingly but that was kinda ouch...Thats always good when the guy your "dating" most likely has the philosophy that once your outta the zip code, you can do whatever. I'm sure hes got the saying down "WHAT HAPPENS IN JERSEY STAYS IN JERSEY" or whatever state hes jumpin too down there. I just get the strongest feeling hes out having the time of his life bein in these big cities, and that scares me. I've always had shitty insecurity issues, and I try to control and ignore them, but you can never completely be ok with that shit. And even though my gut feelings are just wack I trust them, and I feel like hes not completely honest and just doing whatever down there and that just fucking sucks. I want him to come back and say oh i just went sight seeing and bought stuff, and want to see me asap, but hes changed. He used to call a LOT and talk a lot now its barely that. I need a FUCKING DATE FOR PROM, and hes the only one I reallly want to go with. HES fucking hott and I wanan show him off so bad, Becky thinks hes cute, and I look good with him but I'd be really proud to have him on my arm. Thats cheesssy whoa. And I know he wont wanna go out and get an expensive tux and spend the night at another schools formal he basically said no to Sub Deb. SO that just blows As of any other prom prospects. Well theres my mystery stalker and if its who I think it is....no friging way, "he" is nice but Ive dreamed about prom since i was like 6. I dont even dream about a wedding because at least I know this is way more possible. Hatch I asked him to be my back up date, and he doesnt care abotu that. But he hasnt called like hes said, and same deal I doubt he wants to spend money on a tux. Also hes a friend, I dont want to be having fun with a friend. Hes crazy and so fun, but I dont want that for prom. Enough bitching and moaning I need to read for my effin term paper. SSTILLL HAVENT WRITTEN EFFIN AAAA WHY DO I NEEEEEEED THIS! Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: nunca (Comment on this)
Monday, April 19th, 2004
1:20 pm	argee pa pooey 1. First grade teacher: mrs. riley i think 2. Last thing you said: "can you take the cookies outta the oven cuz i dont want to" lol 3. Last song you sang: ahh i sing random songs i dont know 4. Last person you hugged: I think Bryce 5. Last thing you laughed at: becky's tangerine juice that tasted like tomato soup 6. Last time you said i love you: I dont remember :/ 7. Last time you cried: a wee bit this mornin 8. What's in your CD player: um its broken but i think Linkin park 9. What color of socks are you wearing: none 10. What's under your bed: dust, prolly some socks, and an underbed storage thing with a bunch of magazines 11. What time did you wake up today: 730, but fell asleep then back up at 10 12. Current taste: choco chip chookies 13. Current hair: messy on top of my head 14. Current clothes: maroon shorts, maroon abercrombie t underneath my long sleeve cheering shirt 15. Current annoyance: I hate boys and their fucking games 16. Current longing: for everything to be nice and perfect 17. Current worry: school tomorrow: I need to read for my term paper aw shiitt 18. Current hate: boys games and term papers 19. Story behind your domain: say what? 20. Current favorite article of clothing: prolly my express jeans 21. Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex: smile 22. Favorite physical feature of the same sex: smile? 23. Last CD that you bought: I think howie day 24. Favorite place to be: anywhere peaceful 25. Least favorite place: here being bored at my house 26. Time you wake up in the morning: usually 7 27. If you could play an instrument: drums 28. Favorite color: light blue 29. Do you believe in an afterlife: yes. 30. How tall are you: 5'3 i think 31. Current favorite word/saying: "Every day is a new day" 32. Current book: i dont know the name of it, but i am reading like 5 at a time besides that 33. Favorite season: spring/summer :) 34. One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: many people i think, i dont know 35. Where do you want to go: Italy 36. What is your career going to be like: I dunno maybe teaching most likely, but id like a life in the big ol city 37. What kind of car will you have: Audi? Mercedes? harrrr 38. Type a line you remember from any book: Um "With man gone will there be hope for gorilla?" from Ishmael I didnt read that part (the end but i know its in there) 39. A random lyric: "take your records take your freedome, take your memories I dont need em, take your space and your reasons" 40. Identify some things surrounding your computer: my brothers book, a printer, a phone, glasses, a pencil, telephone book, filing cabinet Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Keith Urban-You'll think of me (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 18th, 2004
9:58 pm	well i got half of nothing accomplished today Ok today I told myself I'd reaaadd so I get get on the road of my term paper buuut that never happened..theres always tomorrow right? :/ But Becky called and needed a spotter for her Co-ed stunting with Mike at golds. That wasnt too bad, she did really well and thats like her third time. SOO impressed, I hope she makes FSU, cuz there crazy if they dont take her!!! I didn't stunt with him but she did the toss to hands flick thing and holy crap hes strong! I didnt do much more than that but he taught me so many things about co-ed and stunting in general that I have never thought of or learned. Stunting/Cheering is FRRIIIGIN HARD, seriously PHYSICS is involved. And me being stupid thats a bitch lol. But this takes so much control and technique like you wouldn't believe!! Sorry but this all amazed me and gave me a lot more determination which I really needed. CUUUZ tryouts are Friday, we'll see how that goes considering I just started to get back into shape after about a month and a half of next to nothing cept a couple trips to the gym :/. Ok whatever im gonna go lay my ass on the couch WOOOOOO Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Sister Hazel- Best I'll ever be (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 15th, 2004
8:18 pm	GLaz and Becky day So every Thursday is Glaz and becky day! wooo holliddayy...Its nice to have a weekly thing like that, rather than just going home sitting on my ass for like 5 hours and then lazily doing hw. So getting good fattening food, and seeing amazing amounts of hott guys is always nice. (I swear to god everytime I'm with her I always see hott guys lookin...most likely at her being the cute blonde, cuz i defenitely was ugly'in it up today...as usual) But its a nice day to get out and do something!!...So today wasn't too bad I guess...im slowly getting my bitch ass mom to let me live on campus....FYI she just decided Id be livining home...fuuuckk no the way things have been for years and living on campus being my only freedom...I had an anxiety attack and youd think I was on my way to ACADIA. But Hillary saved the day, cuz shes an awesome friend! :) So I think shes gonna let me take out a shitload of loans just to live up there...its either that or im not going to school and I dont wanna do that. Anyways forget that...looked at prom dresses as well today for a wee bit...I'm soo damn picky, I thought I found a beautiful one but it was like 340..yahh right...I want something SEXY but not slutty....we'll be seein enough of that at prom!...plus i want a hott sexy date...:-D Ok i dont feel like writing today im out! later gators (Comment on this)
Monday, April 12th, 2004
7:00 pm	You think you can bring me down...psch! So crazy person that I am I usually try to have a good outlook on things....(despite my constant bitching about little things, hillary i know your laughing!!...I do tend to bitch abous bangor shit hah)...So for some reason a lotta people were in bad moods today. I have a constant habit of usually saying random hi's to people...and i got the shaft...well more than usual today haha ;) ;)..i duno its one of those Mondays, and everyones sick still. But after a while peoples shittiness gets to me as much as I dont want it to. Usually when i have "bad days" its at the end of the day. people start to ignore me, and get really irritated. I know im a pain in the ass, but thats just the way i am and will always be. Spanish class= a huge fucknig waste of time, Ms MacDonald SOO NICE, and a good teacher, but by the end of the day I just dotn give a shit about twisting my brain with a stupid language I'll never use in case I need to talk to a bartender in Cancun, Mexico? Plus with half the class being Junior crazy boys, I tend to laugh at them rather than once again...paying attention. So im really wasting 40 minutes whining to my master of spanish Garrett...the kid is crazy smart. I cheat more in this class off of him than i ever have in school combined. ok done on that Back up a couple hours--Current issues, Erin shares my pain cept shes smart and gets work done, as its 7 pm and im writing on this rather than my FUCKIN TERM PAPER...Im writign about OBESITY...first topic off of my head to choose, I really didnt put effort into the idea therefore i dotn care about research that much, cuz i dont have a good thesis... ENGLISH---so my teacher has turned into a physcho bitch. Not every other day, or what not but everyday. and i try to tune her out cuz usually shes bitching about her horrible life, and sad things thats happened. DOnt get me wrong...i have a heart, but id rather help her and listen to her outside of class, then listen to it then. Nice distraction of work, but its very awqard to listen to that stuff...So I'm taking a test, and a writing prompt that I missed during 3rd quarter. Besides missin those and other things, my prolly B average was right smack down to a D....well im sorry but if your dad has unexpected open heart surgery, I think your mind would be a little bit wandered off too for a while right?...and after a while...I just got wayyy behind, I didnt even read the end of Ishmael. So when im making up the shti today of couse I dont remember any answers. Funny shit when the writing prompt is asking about the END OF THE BOOK....so i just laughed there..by myself in a room, and went back and said I cant do this I have no idea what happens. I think I had balls to say that to her and other english teachers..that im a lazy ass pretty much?...Her dissapointed look just kinda pushed me a bit farther....When i left sschool i did that little thing again that i felt like crying, but for some reason I couldnt get it the hell outta me....I think partly cuz J*** was botu 20 feet ahead of me and kind of doing arm motions into the air like she was praising the sun god or something, so that kinda distracted me....Ok enough bitching for today Ive written a novel.... The whole end to this.....fuck all the shit that comes my way, eventually im gonna be like HHAAAAA you cant touch me bitch, cuz im in my own little world haha ;) ;) ;) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 11th, 2004
9:31 pm	oooh i need to breaathheee I hate the feeling of wanting to cry so bad, but your body wont let you. I want to like thrust out tears because im so frustrated with so many things. Im trying to figure out what ive done, what i can do and it just fucks up things more. Its like unless i completely shelter myself from the world, i will always be in pain. Typing this, seems frivalous and like it doesnt mean much but it HURTS. I think if i was someone else reading this Id think get over yourself, because sometimes I do that to others...Ok i dont really know how to get this all out, so if some random person finds this, they can understand it a bit?....ok numero uno, yesterday went to Btown to see B, good ol dandy time i guess, kinda boring cuz the town is horrible...but we hung out in my car by the river. Im dead fucking sick of trying to do anything in a car, its so high school, and uncomfortable, and not where i want to be experiencing anymore.."firsts". Besides that shit, I HATE being touched. I LOVE hugs, but being touched on my stomach or my chest, I absolutely hate. Im so self concious, its disgusting. I'm 5'3", 103 lbs, but there are just aspects to my body i want to rip off and just change. But B thinks that everytime I see him he needs to touch me, and I feel like thats all he wants outta me, sometimes he says thing that make me think he cares and hes a good guy. But then other things make me think opposite. Were "dating" but not gonig out, wtf is that I realize were far apart, but still, when we do see each other and screwing around just seems so disgusting and unworthy of doing. I try not to be a prude, but damnit Im a frigin romantic! And doing things in car, with a guy your dating, seems worthless....The thing is hes beautiful, has the BEST body, and dresses nice...and is quite well endowed....But at this point has no desire to hold me like a gf and shit like that. But then does the cutest things. This is ridiculous...I cant talk abotu this more cuz this will eventually bite me in the ass.....On a different note, I still want to smack some girls, you really can trust noone, because your "friends" do stab you in theb back eventually. But im glad I have true friends, and the real ones see this lol. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 9th, 2004
8:45 pm	blah K today's friday...sposta hang out with Todd tonight, he said hed call after 630, and its almost 9? yeah lovely boys... So my computer shit on me last night, lost alllll my work because im dumb and dont momentarily save...grr :( so i had dadddyy excuse me so i didnt have to go to that class, nice friday afternoon off! Shopped with hilly billy, got a backpack (FINALLY! no more huge yellow bus on my back)..black capris (gota be hemmed), and a SIPPY CUP or shall i say "frosty mug" but yeah its pretty much a sippy cup?. B said hed call tonight too...wow i guess being a pimp has its down sides too..so very kidding. Well Coach just called I think im going to her nephews' birthday party (Josh and Alex). Cutest little shits ever! haha i love em anyways, so thatll be fun! hmm what else, hopefully I get to see Ilana this weekend! ok Im rambling on cuz theres nothing on tv! ok later gators mwah (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
6:56 pm	Another turning point I dont really care who sees this I just need a place to vent and not recieve a funny look from my friends. Its all fine that they do that I just need one friging thing thats not judgemental. Today has been another day, I didnt go to school yesterday so I got all messed up, because Tuesday was a Monday to me. So when my math teacher asked when I should make up the test and she said not tomorrow, I figured Wednesday...when wednesday is tomorrow. Get it? Whatever class gave that a chuckle!!...My dad has gotten a lot more paranoid and sketchy after his surgery than his normal self. He's always had to know exactly where we were, and he thinks thats just being a good parent. But now I guess out of his "boredom" he needs to be where we are if he can, or needs us home unless theres a good reason. Ok ill stop with that for now, Im going to a singing thing up at UMO with Hill to see Jennie's friend sing...because we havent seen our Jennie fOREVER...ok later gator mwah (Comment on this)
Monday, April 5th, 2004
9:29 pm	ATTN: looking for perfect life Ok im just starting out with one of these thingies cuz i need a journal to collect my jumbled thoughts, forgive me its not so fancy Current Mood: bored Current Music: Since I fell for you-Ella Fitzgerald (1 Comment |Comment on this)